Funky like the Brass Monkey.


Hey kids!

Feeling drained and quite tired today.

This is one of today’s course tasks, it had to be hand written in 10 minutes, then typed up and posted onto a course web board. The task was to first create a character, and in the first person write about what they encountered when they entered a party; create a second character that your initial character is both jealous of and loathes; lastly, swap characters, and write from the point of view of person that was both loathed and you were jealous of. Oh, you needed to add their name, job, age, and marital status.

I managed to write 614 words by hand in 9 minutes 48 seconds. Legibility is such a broad term, and absolutely no prior planning went into this, well, yarn? First drafts, you know the story.

Week One – The Party – 1541WST14MAR15

‘Hello Odin! You have really turned it on tonight, the longhouse looks great!’ And yet, the mead is flowing, those tramp Valkyries are pawing all over him. Not an amusing party hat on his bloody helmet is it?  I swear that has happened every year since the 11th century; hell’s, they even gave him a party whistle?!

‘Death my beauty! Fill a skull, the mead is the best I have had since this morning! Permit me a kiss?’

‘The last time I did that we had twins; not this time around.tiger’ Always the D.O.M., bloody Gods, I could really go a cuppa though. Oh, Vishnu is smoking university cigarettes and juggling. So old to be tedious, I should know, I’m older than all of them, but they’ll never remember that by the end of the night.

‘All right there Buddha? I hear you’re still having issues with the Tibetans’? Is Zeus wearing a boob apron, seriously?!  I would have thought someone his age would have grown up a bit more.  Bloody kids.’

Why is it always so gloomy at Odin’s place away from that smoky bloody fire? Ah, cavorting in the corners again I see; not Oedipus and his mum is it? Will he never listen? Whoever believed the Horus virgin birth tale obviously have never been to ‘The Gods’ All Hallows Party’ before have they? Yes, give me a decent Pictish barbie any day. Hmmmm……………….

She had to be here, didn’t she? Cow! Not only did she trounce me a bowls last weekend, but she had the hide to start another of her follies. My little sister War, you may be taller and younger than me, but we both look eighty two, and yet you still get around like a mammoth dressed as elephant.  My Gods, that dress would be considered scant back when the bloody humans still wore skins, and it’s not the Australian iron age either I’m talking about.

 ‘Speak of the devil. Luci, how on earth are you. Still having credit card issue’s with the silly buggers crossing the Styx? Thousands of years of coins, and now they thrust credit cards at Charon? Poor bugger, all he knows is rowing that leaky tub. Luci, go and stand next the fire, get a chill and it will be the end of you. Yes I know how these things work. Oh, did you get the scarf I knitted you, left it with Hades the other day?’

Bollock’s she’s seen me. I wish, just for once my pathetic bloody sister’s would stop fawning over her. Seriously, all things aside, they are ‘Famine and Pestilence’, they cause more misery than all the war’s War has had a finger in organising, and yet they dote. Pathetic.

You see me waving, but you know I would date Thoth before I willingly spoke to you again.

‘Good to see you too Heracles, and yes you cheeky sod, you know I’m a widower.’

 Look at her, blue rinse, twin set wearing biddy, and yet people still love her. Eye off this dress you old hag, I know you wish you could get away with it. You prefer to get driven around in a clapped out 1967 VW Beetle, yet not that white charger you were issued. AND what is the story with those secateurs? How can a scythe be too phallic at her time in life? Seriously, she’s ‘Death’ for Loki’s sake!  Pennant’s Bowls this weekend, and then we’ll see who’s who. Oh Gods, she’s waving! Ha, even her own sister’s prefer me. Nod and smile, nod and smile.

‘Oh, Odin, of course I’ll kiss you my lovely…….’



Click the random picture above, something is embedded in it.


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